My Mom’s Birthday

Categories:Alcoholism, Mom
Brandy

Today my mom would have turned 52.

But in 2001, she passed away at the age of 41 due to alcoholism.

Even though our relationship was tumultuous at times, I really miss her.

Some times I miss her so much that it hurts.

I get so angry because I feel like she drank herself to death.  I get upset because I feel like I was cheated out of having a “real” mother.  I am not sure if that makes sense.  I know that she had deep reasons for turning to alcohol.  She was in pain.  I get that.  It was her way to deal.  But she’s missed so much and it really makes me angry.

She’s missed me getting engaged, married, the birth of her grandsons, and my college graduation.  She missed my brother graduating from both high school and college and seeing him getting his first massage therapy job.  Now she is missing her grandson’s achievements.

My mom may have been an alcoholic but she did the best she could.  She made sure we were fed.  She was the best cook around and I always said that she should have opened her own restaurant.  (This was another reason that we were overweight as kids too.)  She made sure we were clothed.  And we were given practically anything we could ever ask for.  We didn’t want for anything.  She made sure we had more than what she had when she was growing up and even told us so once.

But what we wanted – needed – the most was a sober mother.

I had secretly yearned to have been born into my cousins family.  They were the picture perfect family to me.  They were what I thought would be considered a “normal” family.

But most days I am somewhat grateful for where and how I grew up.  It made me who I am today and I know exactly how I don’t want to live my life.  I am stronger because of everything I went through.

So, I hope that where ever you are Mom that you are happy and free of your pain.

I hope you are proud of me and your grandsons.  I know if you were here today, you would be spoiling them rotten to the core.

I know we didn’t say it much but… I love you Mom.

Happy Birthday.

Author:
Brandy Reid is a stay at home mom to two very active and hockey obsessed boys. As a former YA librarian, Brandy loves to read and is obsessed with reading everyday whether it be books or blogs. Brandy proudly admits that she is a wee bit addicted to social media, especially Twitter. She also believes that everything in life you can related to the iconic TV Show Friends. No day is complete without chocolate.

8 Comments

  1. Tracy
    TracyReply
    February 8, 2012 at 10:45 AM

    Aw Brandy – I KNOW your Mom is proud of you and Cole. I have so many wonderful memories of your Mom and you as a little girl. Know also, that you have so many of your Mom’s friends as well as your own that are there for you. Love to your family.

    • Insane Mamacita
      February 9, 2012 at 12:21 PM

      Thank you so much Tracy! I really appreciate all of your support in my writing adventures and in life in general. You are a great mentor and friend. :)

  2. Brandi Yee
    February 8, 2012 at 1:11 PM

    Beautiful post! I can only imagine how mixed that must have been and how emotional it can get even now. Everything in our lives make us the people we are today, the good and the bad, the past, present and future :) I’m a new follower! Please feel free to stop by my blog and check it out if you like :)

    http://www.yeewittlethings.blogspot.com

    • Insane Mamacita
      February 9, 2012 at 12:22 PM

      Thank you for visiting Brandi! I really appreciate it.

  3. Sharon
    February 9, 2012 at 10:48 AM

    Broke my heart reading this. Big hugs to you on your mother’s birthday.

    • Insane Mamacita
      February 9, 2012 at 12:23 PM

      Thank you Sharon! It was a tough day yesterday but I got through with the great support of my friends, online friends and family. *hugs*

  4. all.things.fadra
    February 9, 2012 at 12:47 PM

    I think you have an amazing perspective – one that most people will never achieve in their lifetimes. You love your mother for being the best person she could be. It may have been all she was capable of and while you wish it could have been different, you still love the the woman she was.

    My family is plagued by alcoholism so I understand more than you know.

    • Insane Mamacita
      February 12, 2012 at 11:07 AM

      Thank you Fadra! That is exactly the point I was trying to make. Even though she was an alcoholic, she was a functioning alcoholic. And she cared. She made sure we were OK, for the most part. She was a generous person, would do anything for anyone.

      Thank you for reading my post! I love your blog btw. :)

Please Leave a Reply