When Your Aunt Becomes Your Uncle

Brandy

How I Told My Son about My Transgender Brother

 My Brother Transgender LGBTQ LGBT

As parents we all know that babies definitely do not come with instruction manuals.

We can read all of the baby books in the world but nothing really prepares us for the reality of having children until we are thrown into the fire.

And we are thrown in right from the get go.

I knew that as a parent I would eventually have to talk to my children about tough topics. It starts out small with things such as why it is nice to share toys and why you should not bite your friends.

But as they grow older the topics become more serious. Bullying, violence, discrimination, death, sex and relationships, and what they saw or heard on TV need to be addressed at one point or another.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would be discussing sex and relationships with my oldest son when he was about seven years old.

Why so young you ask? Well, here is a bit of the backstory…

When my brother and his fiancée were engaged my brother had begun to identify as male to his friends. However, his fiancée was not 100% supportive of my then-sister transitioning to male. For this and other reasons, eventually the wedding was called off and they both went their separate ways.

Following the engagement, my brother took the steps towards true transition to male. He began taking testosterone. His voice started to deepen. He began to grow facial hair. His appearance was changing rapidly. There would be no denying anymore that he looked more male than female.

I was aware that my son, who is very intelligent and inquisitive, would begin to notice that something was not the same with his aunt. I knew that I had to tell him sooner rather than later.

As a former librarian I love to do research. So, I consulted the Google Gods about how to discuss transgender family members with your kids. However, my searches were not producing the kind of results I wanted. There were resources out there for children talking to their parents about their transition (and how parents can talk to their kids about their children’s transition). However, I could not find any that related to my situation.

For a few weeks I worked over and over in my head what I would tell my boy.

I sat him down on the trusty old loveseat once again. It was tough talk time.

And I began…

“I need to talk to you about your auntie N. She has told us something very important. She said to me that she no longer wants to be a girl. She wants to be a boy now.”

“But how can auntie be a boy?” My son asked with a very confused look on his face.

I continued on…

“Well, auntie was born different than you and me. Her head and her heart are telling her that she should have been born a boy. She doesn’t feel like she should have been a girl. So, now auntie is going to live life as a boy instead of a girl. She wants us to start calling her C and to start using HE and HIM when we talk about her. He wants you to start calling him uncle C. Are you a wee bit confused?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“Me too sweetie. It is very confusing even for me. But you know what? All that matters is that uncle C is happy. You want him to be happy right?”

“Yes, I do.”

“And no matter what, we still love uncle C whether he is a boy or a girl. Right?”

“Yes. Ok.”

And from that moment on my son called his auntie N by his new name, uncle C.

Sometimes I would slip up and would call my brother by his former name. This tends to happen more when I was visiting my hometown and would by chance run into people who know my brother as my sister. But my son, he would correct me.

“It’s uncle C now mommy! Not auntie N!”

That simple statement made me one very proud momma.

I wanted to tell my son this information sooner rather than later. As children I find that they are more open to different situations and circumstances. I wanted to expose him to this when he was more receptive. Plus, my youngest son would never know the difference and when he is old enough to understand (likely around the same age as the oldest) we will tell him the same thing as well.

I am glad that I tackled this difficult discussion when I did.

I am hoping that because of it, my son will be more receptive and accepting of alternative lifestyles.

Just maybe he and his brother will teach the world to be receptive to all different kinds of people whether they be LGBTQ or white, or Asian, or African, etc.

I dream of a day when all people begin to show compassion, understanding and more importantly, acceptance of each other.

Transgender Gay Pride Flag LGBT LGBTQ


Image Source: Freedigitalphotos.net & Serge Bertasius Photography


Author:
Brandy Reid is a stay at home mom to two very active and hockey obsessed boys. As a former YA librarian, Brandy loves to read and is obsessed with reading everyday whether it be books or blogs. Brandy proudly admits that she is a wee bit addicted to social media, especially Twitter. She also believes that everything in life you can related to the iconic TV Show Friends. No day is complete without chocolate.

5 Comments

  1. alyssa
    March 20, 2015 at 11:43 AM

    Love this and I love how you are so supportive of your brothers life choices! It’s so hard for some people to wrap their heads around sometimes, it’s good that you’re exposing your kids young. They won’t grow up judging others in that way and they won’t look at your brother any different than any other kid would look at their uncle! Btw you and your bro look so much alike I love that pic of you two! :)

    • Brandy
      April 6, 2015 at 8:50 AM

      Thank you Alyssa!

  2. peady
    March 20, 2015 at 4:42 PM

    I have said it before and I will say it again, kids are awesome. They just love. They trust. They know. It is up to us to be sure we are worthy of all these things (*psst* we are!) and that they are exposed to understanding and open minded people.

    We will make this a better world – for everyone – we will.

    I love this post.

    Your brother is very handsome! I am proud of you every time you write about this part of your family’s life. It’s a good story. One worth telling again and again.

    I am sure – even if you might not always hear about it directly – that you are helping other families.

    That’s a wonderful thing!

    • Brandy
      April 6, 2015 at 8:50 AM

      Thank you Peady! :)

      • peady
        April 8, 2015 at 3:30 PM

        You are welcome!

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